About Being A Multiple Personality
“Dissociative Identity Disorder, as defined by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual’s behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be due to substance abuse or medical condition. The DSM is explicit about the controversy (roughly half of North American mental health professionals do not consider DID to be an actual condition) over the condition, identifying both the objective evidence of physical and sexual abuse in the history of individuals diagnosed with DID and that individuals accused of abuse are motivated to deny or distort past actions, but also points out that childhood memories may be distorted, and that individuals with DID are highly hypnotizable and unusually vulnerable to suggestion. Individuals with DID demonstrate a variety of symptoms with wide fluctuations across time; functioning can vary from severe impairment in daily functioning to normal or high abilities. Symptoms can include: multiple mannerisms, attitudes and beliefs that are dissimilar to each other, headaches and other body pains, distortion or loss of subjective time, depersonalization, amnesia, depression. Patients may experience an extremely broad array of other symptoms that resemble epilepsy, schizophrenia, anxiety, Mood disorders, posttraumatic stress, personality, and eating disorders.”
In this page “About Being a Multiple Personality” I talk about my experience from the time I began blogging in February 2006, to the emergence of Dewy Knickers on June 14th, 2006, to my realization on November 18th, 2006 that Dewy was a real woman, to the troll attacks the rest of the year, to my illness for the next five months, to the reordering of our mind into six different personalities. But what I didn’t make clear and what is confusing and to some very upsetting is the ‘label’ I placed on myself as a multiple personality.
1. I have never been tested for or diagnosed as having DID.
2. I do not have memory loss at this time.
3. I have never taken drugs or drank alcohol.
4. I was eleven years old in 5th grade and had no memories of 4th grade at that time and very few memories from 3rd grade back.
5. I have no memories of being sexually abused during this time.
6. I started wetting the bed when I was six years old and wore diapers in 1st grade.
7. I stuttered until I was 13 years old and saw a speech therapist.
8. There is a documented history of sexual abuse in our family going back several generations.
9. I was diagnosed with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) in 1996/97.
10. We consider ourselves to be multiple personalities.
Number 10 is what some with DID take offense to and has resulted in some heated conversations. Number 10 does not mean I consider DID a joke or a condition created by therapists. Number 10 does not mean I am seeking attention. Number 10 does mean that I trust myself and my experiences over a clinical diagnosis.
11. I am frequently depressed and have been prescribed in the past with medication but not since I started blogging. [on medication in 2009]
12. I have constant thoughts of death but have never attempted suicide.
13. I have not sought out a therapist since 1997-2000 when Little Brian and Pit Bull emerged. [Some therapy in 2009]
14. My blog name is “Truth is Freedom” because the truth, my truth has changed my life for the better.
15. I began blogging because of what happened to Louise Ogborn and many other women and men who were caught up in the strip search madness. I have consistently and forcefully written out against abuse of all kinds.
16. I use my real and full name because we will no longer live in darkness and fear. I am proud to be a multiple personality and we will emphatically support anyone who seeks to heal from trauma of any kind.
17. I can talk and/or sense any of my others when they choose to be open.
18. Rose and I can coexist in any percentage from 1% up to 100%.
19. Rose Dewy Knickers is a real woman: end of discussion.
The story of my life is just that; my life, no one else. Whether you have been reading from the beginning of my blog or this is the first post you’ve ever read, the simple fact is, that I detest labels. What am I should have no bearing on who you are and who you are should be someone that is happy and healthy. If you are not happy and healthy then it is your right as a divine creation to have access to the help you require. The sad facts are that for many, too many, proper care is unavailable. The state of mental health care in the world and in America is a disgrace. A disgrace! Animals are treated better and with more kindness than most people with either mental or physical conditions.
Our reality is that children who are abused are often blamed for causing the abuse. They learn to hide, some fragment and some become multiple personalities. I will make this as clear as I can:
We are multiple personalities and
we
will
not
hide
any
longer.
[The above post was added on July 22nd, 2008 and called "I Detest Labels". The impetus was several conversations with people who have DID who had reservations about the content listed below.]
“How to answer a meme as a Multiple Personality” posted on April 30th, 2008.
“Freedom” posted July 27th, 2007.
Welcome to the house of healing and love. This blog has become much more than simply my space to express myself. It has become a focal point for positive energy and the place where I have found the voice inside me that was silenced in childhood. Today I am silent no more and my voice will be heard. That voice speaks in poems and stories that are raw and real and have taken me places I have never been. That voice speaks out for injustice. That voice speaks in love to those who are hurting.
I am very grateful to my wife Diane and I have been blessed to be married for 20 years to my best friend and soul mate. She is truly part of me and the best life partner I could ever have hoped for.
I started reading blogs to discover as much as possible, but also as an escape from this sometimes insane world. The many friends I have made here on my blogs have opened my heart and now my soul to the wonderful miracle that is life. When I began blogging in February 2006 I had no idea of the other personalities hiding inside this body. Because of all of you and your love and support, on Nov. 18th, 2006, I realized that the people and voices that have been a part of my life for a long time, were in fact real. What follows is our story.
Thank you blogworld. (MY MOTTO~ONE BREATH~ONE DAY AT A TIME)
I am Rose Dewy Knickers and I am a multiple personality. When I came forward in June of 2006 and demanded a blog of my own, Brian didn’t understand that I was real. The funny thing is, that many of my early readers knew I was real right away, but also saw that Brian didn’t. I want you all to know that I love Brian and he has the kindest and gentlest soul that you could ever touch. He doesn’t trust men because of the abuse in his childhood that created all of us and since he is 44 years old and only know learning how to live with others… well, it would shatter most people, but not Brian. I wish you could know him as I know him. Brian has a core of steel and a sense of right and wrong that is breathtaking. He is very proud of me and what I have accomplished. It is truly an honor to call this man my friend and although I want to live and be engaged in life; I can’t have my own body and that is something that we just need to accept. We will all understand if some of you have to leave us. This is not what any of us wanted to happen, we prefer to live in darkness and fear but we won’t go back now. We can’t. If you can, if all of you can, please love us for who we are; and if you can’t, then please go away and let us be who we need to be in peace.
Rose
xo
For all of you that have never read Rose’s blog you are missing out. She is a better writer than I am and will have published books by next year.
So who am I? I am Brian. A Dom and someone who works and writes and does all the things that a *normal* person does. He is very strong and the person who takes care of all of us. He is the person that you all sense when you read his words. He is the healer, the lover, the talker, the artist. He became so strong because when he started forming himself, he took on more and more roles in order to survive the outside world. Only the strongest of the others were left and that is fine and good. As you can see, I don’t always write my *own words*.
There is also Little Brian, who is that 6-8 year old boy that wants to feel safe. He likes to read and play and just be a kid. He loves animals and trains and toys of all kinds. He is also the keeper of the memories and a fierce guardian of the door.
Then there is Pit Bull, who is our protector. He is not a dog, that is just how Little Brian perceives him. I have always seen him as a strong, silent, martial arts bodyguard. He is the person that kept me safe all these years. Who steered me clear of danger and kept me from getting too close to people.
Sable came forward after I realized we were multiples in Nov. 2006. He is very angry and caused the body to be very ill for months. He is 11-12 years old and is struggling with being here. He doesn’t want to exist and thus broods constantly.
There is also a young man, Bernard, who is a sub looking for a strong woman. He is the person that could have become the strongest personality, but we were not aware of that possibility because no woman ever wanted him for who he was. He is the photographer, the chef, the musician, the lover of fine clothes and food and travel. He is the primary other of my middle childhood and teenage years.
Instead of becoming Bernard, what happened is, that when Brian moved away from home, the Dom had to come to the front because that was the only person who could cope with all the changes in our lives and was strong enough to survive. He didn’t want to, because the Dom is based on our father, the abuser; but what happened is all of us guided him and protected him and made sure that he had a chance to grow into the man that you all know and love. He then met Diane and sealed the fact that the Dom would become the *lead* multiple. The rest of us understood the struggle that took place and have been working hard for the last 25 years protecting Brian and now that he finally knows the truth, we will still be there for him whenever and however he needs us. All of us *others* are very, very proud of Brian and will protect him and nurture him. We are very strong together and all trust each other to do what is right.
The trolls attacked, we fought back. We are multiples, we are six, yet we are one.
This next post, “Feeding Frenzy”, is a group play we did together on December 15th, 2006. Don’t mess with my others. 
Blessing~ 1991-2008
(((HUGS!!)))
I wish I could be as free and loving as you my friend,
hugs-bd
Blogging is the best thing going as far as I’m concerned. It has been great therapy. I had to change my URL because I was getting some harassment from churchy people who don’t like my views on religion, but overall, it’s been a very positive experience for me too.
)
I LOVE YOU ALL
lotsa luv hugs & xxxxxxxx’s ann
(I found you through Ree’s blog)
I salute your bravery and wish for your continued healing.
Now some things are starting to make sense to me. Why blogging would be so important for you! What a gift it must be.
My mind is filled with all kinds of inappropriate questions. I’ll be back- not out of curiousity, but respect. I believe reading leads to understanding ,which does away with prejudice. So your blogging is probably important for all of us.
I love what you’ve done with the place! Dewy is not only hot, she’s quite the little decorator! *wink*.
I love you honey.
Pixie
OUT.
Thank you for your (honesty)
The (truth) sets us free
Love paves (the way) for the truth
The way are all (the roads) in life we travel
Traveling is (learning)
Learning is just plain (awesome)
You are incredibly awesome!
All of you
I guess I’ve been introduced.
A little family…….
(((All who reside within Brian and Brian)))
(!) S’ok–I think I’m alright. No, thanks, I can get up–here, just let me dust myself off … You’re OK, I’m OK! (just a little dizzy).
You already know this from other posts, but I could not read this post and slip away silent.
(((((Hugs)))) around all of you and your wife
THAT is a very cool post.
Congrats to all of you for finding yourselves and having the courage to show yourselves!
I am looking forward to reading more from Rose, and getting to know Sable also! Little Brian?? I happen to be a pretty cool Mum to boys his age! I’ll keep my eye out for him!
Sable has to be the coolest name I have herad in a while.
I left this comment today at another blog. I think it sums up what I feel.
I can only speak from my viewpoint here. Trust can’t be created externally. What I mean by that, it that many times someone who has been abused becomes numb to reality. Either they believe that everyone is a potential abuser, therefore they can never trust fully, or, they actively seek out more abuse to feed their need to be punished.
A child who has been abused in any way, is more vulnerable in the future. No matter what help you offer, there is always mistrust on the child’s part. In this case, actions can speak louder than words, and by showing respect of the child’s boundaries and most importantly, patience, you will earn a measure of trust.
Here’s a question. When do you know that a child trusts you? When that child volunteers information about the abuse they suffered. What should you say? “It wasn’t your fault.” Let them tell their story at their own pace and don’t interrogate them. Repeat over and over again that “It wasn’t your fault.” Only accept physical contact after asking the child if they want a safe hug. Everyone needs human contact, especially an abused child, but keep in mind, this is a test! The child is testing you and will push you. This is a self-defense mechanism and one that lasts a lifetime.
You are the adult and must help rebuild the healthy distance that normally exists between children and adults. Being solitary is a means of healing and even when appearing to be interacting with you, many times this is at the very least, a mask or character, if not a full fledged other. It is not a ‘mentality of mistrust’ so much as a means of survival. That survival is unique to each and everyone.
Wow, Brian et al, this has been an eye-opener. Thanks for the encompassing welcome into a new realm for me. Although solitary, you are not alone, and your wife Diane seems a great blessing.
I’m sorry for what must’ve been a very painful time with trolls. It seems you all came through stronger. I hope to come back and poke around some another time. Thanks for reprinting your comment, it may be seed for another post some day. I will pray for God’s warmth on your face today. Diane’s, too.
Ah, very interesting. I personally have been aware of having DID (or a multiple personality disorder) for a very long time; I have always had strong conscious awareness of two of my alters, though five more have come out in therapy whose thoughts and reactions I can easily identify, but whom I had not realized I’d personified, until I started talking about them.
I don’t write on my blog specifically about having DID, because it is so commonly misunderstood/sensationalized, though I have written quite a bit about being treated for what I’ve referred to as a highly complex dissociative trauma disorder (which is, of course, what DID is).
Therapy, for me, has been very interesting … on the one hand, it would enrich my life immensely to have full access to my entire personality all the time. On the other hand, I am beguiled by the complexity of my inner world, and I think that if I ever became fully integrated, I would have a deep sense of loss. My therapist tells me that full integration isn’t necessarily desirable; I hope she’s right. I’d be lonely without everyone else around.
Wow, I had no idea you were multiple. I am one too. But unlike you I was diagnosed twenty years ago. I am done with my therapy but still am multiple. I worked things through to the point my old programming was no longer affecting my life so now I can live it everyday instead of hiding away afraid of what might happen to me. You have been to my horse blog. But I have a multiple blog as well. The link I left this time is to that one.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story.
Oh goodness Brian, I apologize if I offended you with my comment! Quirky to me is a good thing, but now that I read this I realize you may not have taken it as such. I don’t know how I missed all this – thank you for pointing out the top of your blog. I still like you very much – I meant that.
in light and love,
tex
well, being a multiple or having DID, as I prefer to call it, when I first read all this, I was incensed! I thought you were making fun of having multiples and still, truthfully, by how you write, I am not sure you’re not…anyway, I found your blog through Tammy and that you have CFS as do I….what followed that thought was hmmm, and you have this too…do you suppose there is a tie in between mental illness and CFS? I don’t know if you will read this, if this is current or not but those were my thoughts and I thought I would just drop them at your door….
be well…
Wanted to let everyone know that I’ve exchanged several emails with Linda in the comment above and our discussions led to the additional information at the top of this post. Thanks Linda.
Brian, Rose, whoever or how many you are, I’m glad I found you. You helped enrich my life the day I first counted you among my “blogfriends”.
I am currently both on medication for depression and in therapy. I should say we are in therapy because Rose is very interested in talking. Where we go from here I have no idea, but things need to get better.
(((((((((Brian))))))))))
… and nothing’s changed; I still love all of you
and you still have my utmost admiration